Lucky Pennies?

The oddest thing happened a few days ago, that I have been meaning to write about since.

I woke up one morning, and my hand was in a tight fist.
I opened it, and there was a penny in my palm.
I was like, wtf?
Because I know I wasn't holding the penny when I fell asleep,and I don't sleep walk, and I don't recall even being near change when I went to sleep.

It was just the strangest thing!
So, I've been caring the penny around with me in my pocket ever sense, on the chance that it might be lucky.
It pretty much magically appeared in my hand while I was sleeping, so it's gotta be something!
Maybe it will bring me luck.
I could use some.

Normality.

I was just thinking about it today...
What defines normality?
Who is to decide what is normal, and what is not?
Like... Who deicded that being a 'prep' is normal?
What is so abnormal about being Goth? Emo? Punk? Scene?
Why are those people looked down upon?
Wen it comes right down to the fact of the matter, the clothes a person wears in no way affects who the person actually is.

If you take a 'normal' person, and dropped them into a group of 'weird' people, then the norm becomes abnormal because they are no longer the standard.

Even person on earth is different, no two people are the same, therefore everyone on earth is abnormal,
but,
In the way that every person is different, we are all the normal.

We are the same in our uniuqe-ness.
I'm thinking too much.

nor-mal [Nawr-muhl]

–adjective
1.
conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.

hm. I guess so.

Things could always be Worse.

Even when you think, you've reached rock bottom, chances are you haven't
and saying that you have,
complaining about being as low as you can possibly be,
That's like tempting fate, to come prove you wrong.
Things could always, be worse.
If you are alive, things could always be worse.
Because, if you're alive, you always have the chance to make things better,

no matter how much you try and tell yourself that you can't do anything.
That it's out of your hands.
If you are alive.
You still have that chance.
No matter what.
Life is the most valuble thing anything can own.
it should never be taken away.
The only thing in this world that is not okay to steal, is a life.

The tests came back.
My Grandma has Cancer.

Lots of stuff in this.

Well, I haven't updated in a while.
Because I didn't have too much to say, but today, I do.

I got home today, and learned that my grandmother was in the hospital.
She has a growth somewhere, and it as causing her liver to fail.

Now, I knew she was sick,

but I didn't have the foggiest idea it was that bad.

Apparently, she could have died if she hasn't gotten to the doctor when she did.

good news is, the growth is most likely not cancer.
She'll most likely be fine.
She should be back tomarrow, and be fine.
you can never be sure, though, can you?


------------

Next thing,
Which is also bad,
I went to the store with my dad the other day,

and there was a nurse sitting at a metal table, with a line before her, to get your blood pressure taken.

My dad decided to do this,
So, he sat down and the nurse put that thing around his arm,

then she got a strange look on her face,
and asked, in a very serious voice
" How old are you?"
He told her.
She then told him that he needed to see that doctor immediatly
Because his blood pressure was extremely high
and he was at risk of having a stroke.

She then said, that the way it was,
he would be lucky to live 5 more years.
He called the doctor,
and he's going on high blood pressure medicine.
So hopefully, that'll fix it.

Intelligence.

Some people are surprisingly lacking in it.
The other day, I reluctantly went shopping with my aunt, because I needed knew lead, and she was the only ride to the store.

We were in the frozen section with the dairy and such, and she was talking to herself about how they needed cottage cheese, and that she didn't see any.

So I pointed to the wall of shelves that were filled with different brands of cottage cheese, that we were literally standing right in front of.

She then pointed to a brand and said " I usually get this kind, but all they have are the small ones." refering to one of the sections of the shelf that was empty. She then held up the off=brand version and told me that it was the size she usually got.

3 seconds later I picked up one of the bigger ones and said " This one?"
She said " No, I usually get teh bigger ones, but there are out."
It was the biggest one. The EXACT same size as the off-brand cottage cheese she had mentioned.
I could not convince the woman that just because it was on a shelf higher than it usually is, didn't mean it was a smaller size.

But she just could not comprehend that.
It was so fucking frustrating.

A Simple Gesture.

Something cute happened today, that I wanted to share.
So my grandmother has been sick for the past week or so,
and she was walking into the kitchen, dragging her feet.
My Grandfather, who was sitting at the table, noticed this and asked
"Awe, Are you okay, hun?"
She shook her head, and started back toward her bedroom.
As she was on her way he said,
"Is there anything I can do to help?"

My grandfather is 88 years old.
They've been together since he was 40.
That's like 48 years.
and I just thought that it was amazing.
That afer all these years,
He still notices when

She's dragging her feet.

That's all.

I beg to differ.

Someone told me that I was "too trusting."
Ha. Psh. NO.
I'm not trusting at all.
Just because I don't except to get raped/mugged/killed everytime I leave the house doesn't mean I'm too trusting.

I just haven't given up on people in general.
I don't think the human race is as corrupt has the media tries to say it is.
I think there are more good people on this earth than bad.
I believe that [ almost] every one has some good in them.


I dunno.
Maybe that's Naive.

but it shouldn't be.

well. that's progress.

So, My grandma has this cat...
and She's a fuckin jerk!!

The first time I sat near her, she hissed, and sliced my thumb open.
when I tired to pet her, she dug her claws into my wrist, and would not let go.
For a good.. 2 minutes.
That's when I decided. that I'm gonna make friends with the cat.

Today, I tried to per her, and she didn't bite, scartch, or hiss.
which is surpising, since I jumped like ten feet in the air everytime she moved,

So that's progress, I think.

Drowning.

Lately, I've been spending most of my time inside my own head.
Always thinking thinking thinking.
I've almost completely lost my interest in human interaction,

I have so many things on my mind.
It feels like my head is totally full of warm water, and I'm just drifting around in it.
I dunno if it's a good thing or not.
It's probably not, since I can't seem to focous on anything outside my head.

Today, I dunno how long my dad had been talking,
but I know I didn't notice until he shook my shoulder,
knocking me right out of my thoughts,
the world I created.
It was a little like...
Staring at a stained glass window.
then someone coming up behind you,
and pushing you through it.
Shattering it into a million pieces around you.

It's a little amazing how..
I can have a million thoughts in my head.
in my world.
but when I'm dragged back to reality, I can't seem to recall those thoughts..
and I cant seem to have anything to say...

I think my brain works funny.
Like everyone elses mind runs on gasoline,
and mine runs on grapefruits or something.

This blog was pointless.

I've erased the mark.

No longer human.
Merely a chalkboard people write upon as they pass by,
but I've erased the art I'd left,
and all that remains is ugly graffiti.

...
Only one person will get this.
Oh well.

On a different note.
I've been thinking a lot lately.
About a lot of different things.
I've been observing people for a long time now.
I'm always fansinated by the way people move.
and I always try to make connections between their moves and they're personailties.

People with softer, slower, more delicate movements, are ususally just that.
very nice, soft people.
People who smile a lot.

People with jerky, unsure movements, are usually very strange, Uninqe.
The kind of people who talk a lot, and aren't afraid of what people think of them.

People with fast, snap-like movements are usally very harsh, and confiandant.
They aren't afraid of a fight.

Those are just a few things I've picked up on.
I try to pay close attenstion to the mannerisms of the people I'm near.



There is another thing that I've noticed about myself.
When I'm in like, an urban setting, with buildings and lots of people around and such, I get bored.
Very fast.
I can't sit still for more than I few minutes.
I always wanna walk around,
find something to do for a few minutes,
then move on to something else.


BUT
When I'm in a natural setting...
With trees and grass and nature.
It's different.
I could sit and stare at the sky for hours.
I could look at a tree for hours.
I could stare at a river for hours
and still be sad when I had to leave.

e trees just hold my attension like nothing else ever could.
Even if they remained completely unchanging I'd just be in awe of them.

sure.

I dunno where I'm going with this.

I don't really have anything preicular to write about right now...
so let's just see where this goes.

The other day, Me, Jon, Rachel, Matt and Paul made Sea salt ice cream.
Though, me and Jon were the only ones really exicted about it,

because it was like fullfuling a stupid childish dream of being part of a video game or something.
It was fun though.
Matt and Paul hated it.
but I dunno what they were talking about.
I think it tastes great, and we are gonna have to make more of it very soon.

I was talking to my dear friend recently,

and she said

"It likes we're starting from sqaure one."

and I realized that she was right.
because of the past two years, I haven't been able to talk to her much,

because someone had a problem with her for no reason.
and like an idiot, I let that get in the way.
Even though my firendship with her meant much more than my relationship with him.

It was stupid.
But I guess starting at square one doesn't have to be all that bad.

I wish I had something really meaningful to say here, but I don't.

So much for family.

We're are getting evicted this weekend.
I was planning on going to stay with my aunt in Rockford,
but she changed her mind.
This is the aunt who has all the power in the world to end this.
She has all the power to make my family not homeless.
but no.
She won't.
I doubt if another person on this planet could be more of a jerk.
You see,
My dad has been looking for an apartment, where the rent costs $650 a month. and he has confided in my aunt and uncle about this.

Here's the thing.
They own and apartment complex.
They have a flat right now that is empty.
and has been for many months.
which costs $650 a month to rent.
but the refuse to rent it to us.
For no reason.

They always say that you can count on your family,
that is the biggest load of bull I've ever heard.

So, as of now, we will be staying in gowen.
which is a shitty little town somewhere near greenvile.
Living in a little trailer,
which my (other) aunt, her 2 sons, my grandmother, and grandfather.
if you're counting,
That's 10 people, living in one little 3 bedroom moblie home.
I'll probably get to sleep on the floor in the kitchen.
How awesome.
and to top it off, they don't have internet.
I'm not happy right now.
Hopefully things'll get better.
I don't see how they could get worse.

R.I.P.

So my cat has been sick for a while... but it never really seemed all that bad.
Last night, I went in the room thing outside of my bedroom to check on her,
and I was petting her and stuff... and that's when she had a seizure.
It was probably the most horrible thing ever.
After that she could not stand,
she went blind,
and she kept meowing.
She kept trying to stand, but every time she would just fall back over.
I'd never felt so utterly helpless in my life.
I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, I couldn't do anything.
I actually had to be carried back into my bedroom.
Otherwise I probably would have just sat in that same spot all night.
I have no idea what was wrong with her,
The vet didn't know what was wrong with her.
but I know that she's gone now.
and I know that I miss her.
I wish that there was something I could've done.
People always say that 'money can't buy happiness'
well, maybe if I had some money, I could have prevented this whole thing.
Maybe I could've saved her.

Bitch

I came across a video on youtube today...
that pissed me off to no end.

Basically.
It's six minutes of this fucking bitch.
Saying things horridly stereotypical, hateful things
about 'scene and emo' kids.
People that she
doesn't.
even.
know.

How stupid and immature can you get?!

I want to find this her.
and kick her in the face.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnbGsu9xJN8&feature=related

Scary stuff!

First of all my sister is all better.
Running around and playing in the mud and whatnot.

But anyway.
There is gonna be an actual point to this!

Lately, I've been having very disturbing dreams about the end of the world.
Somethings were a bit abstract, but the message was abundantly clear.

There was a large time bomb in the sky,
which read "1,982 days," and however many so hours and minutes and such.
The US military decided to try and deactivate it by sending up a robot or something.
It seemed to turn off for a moment, and everyone was over-enjoyed.

Until it suddenly kicked back on, and the timer started going down rabidly, until it reached 0 and detonated in a matter of seconds.

I only caught a glimpse of what was left before I woke up.
It was only charred ground and fire.

NOT a good dream.
Especially when I was fully convinced in my mind that it wasn't a dream.

She's home.

She's okay.
Sorta.

Oh no.

My sister woke up with stomach pains, and was taken to the hospital.
It was her appendix.
She has to have surgury immdiatly.

I'm worried.

Night

This is a poem a wrote the other night.

Don't steal it.

Be happy, Kathy ):<

Like watercolors on a canvas

the sky is painted dark, dark blue
Taking on new life with every stoke you do
But dear, it seems you forgot the stars.


Eyes blinded by the empty moonless night

Staring absently into the sky

Down amongst the dull blue grass

dancing with the wind across your cheek


Mistakes leaving the sky blank

We must make this error right

Release the captured prisoners
Fireflies will be our stars tonight

They dance along the cold dark space

Carrying lights of souls misplaced

Taking them away without a trace

They hide among the leaves of trees

I wish they’d spend some time with me

But they have a more important agenda

Living up to the Propaganda

Replacing the stars you forgot to paint
Searching for a soul to taint

The sun peeking in the corner
Not sure if it’s time,

To interrupt this effort

would surely be a crime,
But every night must end

and every day has to begin

Your tiny grim reapers return to there home

The night sky to be left all alone

until the sun would chose to rise

Destroying the painting before your eyes.

Through Her Eyes

Hi There.
My name Courtney, but call me Koko.
I'm 18 years old.
I'm vegetarian, I'm very passive aggressive, and I don't talk much.
I write stories very often, but very seldom finish them.
I spill my emotions into poetry.
and I spill my whole self into art. I draw constantly. Art is my life. I know a lot of artist say that, but with me it's different. When I say it's my life, I mean it. If I couldn't draw, I couldn't exist.
I'm very alternative. I don't care if you don't like me.
I carry around a Tamogachi with my everywhere.
I guess that's about it.

I'm Koko, and this is the world through my eyes.